to give it all?

the words that so easily come out of my mouth :" to surrender my life to you Lord", "to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus" is simply too hard to be actualized. and no matter how close i come close to that, i know i would always have fallen short of the glory of God.

so here i am, struggling to withhold areas of my life from God. it's seems like it's now " let my will be done, not Yours". let me be the master of my life not you Lord. let me continue in my ways of sin and i will repent in due time. Perhaps I'm taking the grace of God for granted, thinking that i can continue in my worldly ways, for God so plentiful in mercy will always be there to forgive me. Yet as unsound as my thinking is...im too stoned, too helpless to want to do anything.


i know how frank my words are, and it contradicts the worldly view that Christians are supposedly to be on spiritual high 24/7. Just hear the other part of the story where a Christian life is just not a bed of roses, and there are times where we are brought from the mountaintop experience to the lowest point of the valley. Maybe it's time for you Lord to throw me down to the deepest corner, for me to feel so broken inside where only your love and grace can restore me.

am i ready for restoration? that's the question

it's really hard being with you when you are on the mountain top and im at the bottomless pit. you keep telling me to seek God and pray and i know i cant without bringing my confessions before Him. As eager as you are to bring me right again, i beg you to take it slow. sorry is all i can say to you now.