lost

torn between wad's right and wrong. where do i stand? im lost. those vague images just keep playing on in my head like a record player.. where do i go from here now?

the timing is so wrong. so wrong.

let me go

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me


You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand

indian guy

yays. conquered GP and chinese paper today! hmm.. GP wasnt that bad .. considering it was my second essay that in this entire year. (the first was during common test) blahx. it seems frightening slack... lolx.. and ena cant stop wishing me all the best for my 2nd compo of the year before the papers.. stressing me out like shit.wad's her prob.tsk.

then i went Gutherie House w wh after the paper.. lolx.. (who's house? ur fren gutherie?) that's the common reaction i get telling pple i've been going gutherie house. hahas. had venezia ice cream =) embarked on my personal quest to taste all the flavours by the end of this year. any takers?
then we bought a bbq chicken leg from cold storage after that.. for 3.20 it was really worth it! i bet it weighed abt 700grams... hahas.. we ate and ate.. but we couldnt finish. then we stop to stare at the left over chicken leg and it reminded us of a revolver! hahahs..so we goofed ard.. took pics of us killing each other with the "revolver".

then when i was taking 170 home..this 60+ yr old indian guy started talking to me. it was freaking scary... he keep saying he wished i could be his daughter ..coz his son who's in london misses his mother and not him. initially, i was sympathetic towards him... but e one sided conversation grew more and more absurb. he asked abt my personal life...but soon it was dominated by his own personal life.. and how his wife's jealous when he talk to other girls then "refusing to make love to him"..
worst of all the bus had to stall but not serious enough for the passengers to alight. but the time i was at ten mile junction.. i already had my headphones in my ears.. busily sms by frens to update them on my crisis.. and the man just went on and on.. saying he feels lucky to have met me today and that he would dream of me in his sleep. he ended off by saying i could teach him how to sms so he could msg me..and i just grabbed my bag and jumped off the bus.
a tramutising experience it was. it's sad that he's lonely and without a daughter.but it was a big turn off la. sigh

lightbulbs

it's on... it's off... it's on again.. then it's gone. like im the living light bulb (Okay.. no one is turning me on here) it's just us how many times have we said to go our separate ways... only to realise we dont really mean it deep deep deep down inside. i dont want to be this flickering light bulb anymore. i want us to shine brightly for eternity. for ur love do empowers all thing else...

feeling very witty for the past few days. im always getting unusally high when wH awards me with titles like " most witty award"..."nice hair pin award".. hahas.. cheap thrills or maybe it's some exams stress syndrome. well, u all can see frm the tagboard over there. understanding it.. is another story. and it was said... " its like when ppl tell u and u understand there's like a certain connection going on after that heh
and only when u are the only one who undestand.. that makes it ever more special" hahas.

all righties. finished watching 24 episodes of FRIENDS seasons 6 in 5 days! those really are my daily endophines generator! great news: just transfered season 7 onto my comp.. now i can have fresh jabs of endophines hormones on my command.. weehhee..ahahahs. and it's my inspiration for all my witty comments..

internal joke

all rightie. all the internal jokes on my tagboard.. maybe i should explain? im padme skywalker (ps) hahas. actually weihaos was scolding me for pangsehing him.. (ps) but a nice comeback it was to think of myself as padme skywalker. hahas. yeah.. internal jokes from all the name calling scheme.. and roffles (ROFL) is the gagging sound weihao makes when he laughs.. with the seizure attack that he has to endures.

i wanna go gallivanting with ali. uh huh..check out this chim eng word.

i love u.. i really do

Those glaring words emanating for the computer screen are causing my eyes to water for the umpteen times today. Yet it’s not deterring me from shutting down the comp, coz I know u will be reading this soon.
Yes today was yet another gloomy. i refused to face up to reality.. Literally. Hiding under my comfy and nice smelling blanket sheets till 1pm. Contemplating of life… while moving through bouts semiconsciousness and dreaminess. Thinking… reflecting.. reminiscing… Regretting…(oh how I hate that word) my actions. Even the apologies are too late now… Silently wishing u were here to take away all this misery. But it’s a folly. It cant happen.

Now… here we are. With one last shot. U had taken the risk to be hurt again… and I with my own happiness in my own hands.. where does our destinies lie? Where do paradise begins for us… answers… and that’s for us to find out. Je vous aime.

september holis

had a pleasant september holis. =) yeah, there were its ups and downs. as for the shit that has to happen..., i have my beloved banana cow as my "soother relaxer". next therepatic session is scheduled at 10 plus after the pw orientated cow finishes her written report.
oh crap. im still doing my EoM.

let's sum up with whole september holis...

monday.. went guthrie house to study with xz. was relatively productive if only my bro stops checking out and making comments of the eyecandy sitting beside us. blahx.
later in the evening, dropped by alvin's place for dinner. yummy. hahas. and i bought flowers for the sick boy. but flowers were not appreciated. =(
slacked ard the comp till midnight.. and i managed to pysche wH in following my nasty name calling scheme. muahahhas. 3 cheers for the aliance! to fiona choo and chock =) by that time it was like 2 plus but because of the heavy dosage of caffeine consumed in the afternoon, i was awake like the owl. that called choo and chatted with her till 5 am. before my ears burnt out and i conked out.


tues. no life day

wed. went dentist in the morning, for there's a cavity in my tooth. ouchx. with so many instruments jabbing, poking at my gums and teeth, and all the unswallowed saliva..my throat keeps making the gagging noise. and it was kinda embarrassing.

then annie and lydia turned up in the afternoon for impromtu sleepover cum mugcamp. =) we were forced to stuRdy coz of my mom.. after 2 hrs, i announced our "chill" time has arrived. packed our stuff.. run up to my room. just shortly after i close my door and turn on the aircon, i turn ard to find annie and lydia already spread out the blanket sheets. and had neatly tucked themselves into bed. bleahx.

watched cable tv.. until 1 am? kept eyecanding those actors in one tree hill.. and tsk-ed our way through E's 101 most sensational crimes of fashion. then we conked out again.

thurs. woke up at 10am. and lydia decided to pon her tutorial. wahahhas. the alarm didnt work again. went lot1.. took neoprints. super adorable. let's wait till lydia's fren who has awesome scanner to scan in hte pics b4 i upload it. hahas. there's this eerie one we took.. and named it the "7th month".
went down to suntec later to do pw... yays. we are progressing..

fri. tuition day.
met up with choo and wong. =) had a double date kind of thing. coz alvin's mc for some midautumn festival concert at sp.. and nice peeps like wong and choo accompanied me. thanks choo! i got a gift for u. =0
hahas. during the concert.. there was this prize giving ceremony.. and at the precise moment after the mc ( who is alviN) announced the winners.. choo wong and i stood up.... pretending we were the winners.. hahas.. and then we ran off in the direction of the toilet. it's fun double dating with horny guys like wong who wore a "receipe for sex" shirt and choo who adores his horniness.

sat. a no life day.

fug

just deleted 12 crap, nonsensical, annoying tags from jonathan. all these tags are turning away NORMAL pple from tagging. arghhh. and it's affecting my moood to blog. i shall go away and pms and save u guys the agony to be under my wrath. fug.

cheap thrills

crescent

"zak | Wednesday, August 31, 2005"

it was today, this very day, that we had our big show.

"this car is AUTOMATIC!"
"SYSTEMATIC"
HYYYYYYYDROMATIC!!"

-starts dancing-

the every recess and lunch we spent in the MPR rehearsing the dance, we shall cherish it for the rest of our lives. nothing makes a better reward than seeing our very prim-and-proper teachers bending over double laughing at our hilarious mimics. and also the class unity brought about by those few steps.

alas,

GREASE LIGHTNING LIVES.

a simple testimonial from a ex classmate. evokes so much memories... sigh. it had been a year.. and forever i will remeber the 31 august. i will forever.

my beloved "ai xin zu"... i missed you guys so freaking much. hahahas. wanna jab ena's perky butt someday soon. lolx. Cheap thrill is was..taking photos at Ya Kun.. all the off mark shots, of course it was enough practice and thus the beautiful turn out of our neoprints! =) beams* everyone look so chio and pretty. especially my cow!

ultimate cheap thrilling was @ crescent!! after all the teachers left for their lunch.. me and ena sneaked into the staff room and crashed josef tan's table! hahas. actually we innocent girls just wanted to leave a sweet note behind..for him to rememeber our presence.. but then afraid that he would miss out the note in this already-so-cluttered desk.. we sticked the note on a lil chalkboard..and added a tie as a border ard it.. place a scissor, marker,some paper ard it.. then we saw his parents' photo and was shocked at how similar his dad and him look a like.. hahas. wrote a "father look alike" note.. and place his wedding pic tgt with his parents' pic tgt. it was so funny la! laughing our ass off.. i mean laughing ena's perky butt and my not so wonder butt off. all this time worrying that we would get caught.. but hecked! then we saw his hidden stash of cookies, milo, coffee, chocs. no wonder his size. bleahx. as thoughtful girls we were, we wrote another note " stop eating, you're too fat" ard his biscuits! lolx..
i would give anything to see his expression when he returns to his desk tmr and find the "devastation".. ahhahsa.
i love my cow so much so i would turn lesbian and be with her forever. hahas.