if your heart's not in it

been looking through the stuff that i had. and found my westlife CD and i remembered how much i love this song because every line in it is just so truee...


I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
The last thing that I wanna hear

But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard

housemoving!

so finally im settled in at my new place! im so excited cause it's really accessible to town, and how i can get to hang out at little india and chinatown always. or the coolest thing is that im 4 mrt stops away from SMOoooo. yay! and i get to tap onto macdonald's wireless internet access! cause it's like directly below my block. plus my block is literally a stone's throw away from the mrt. (1/2 a stone's throw if u are from OCS.. haha!)

yup, so im still sitting on the floor.. waiting for the movers to bring my beloved bed to me! bring back oh bring back.. oh bring back my darling bed to me! i cant wait to put on my bedsheets - the hunk-magnet kind. hahahas.

well, the place here is bustling. relatives from both sides are here =) and im really touched to see them again! feels like mini-chinese new year gathering.

havent been this happy in a long while =)

when it's over... that's the time i fall in love again

no hoohah intended, it's really true now.
i dont understand how you can smile with all the tears in your eyes.
later alligator wouldn't be possible

to give it all?

the words that so easily come out of my mouth :" to surrender my life to you Lord", "to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus" is simply too hard to be actualized. and no matter how close i come close to that, i know i would always have fallen short of the glory of God.

so here i am, struggling to withhold areas of my life from God. it's seems like it's now " let my will be done, not Yours". let me be the master of my life not you Lord. let me continue in my ways of sin and i will repent in due time. Perhaps I'm taking the grace of God for granted, thinking that i can continue in my worldly ways, for God so plentiful in mercy will always be there to forgive me. Yet as unsound as my thinking is...im too stoned, too helpless to want to do anything.


i know how frank my words are, and it contradicts the worldly view that Christians are supposedly to be on spiritual high 24/7. Just hear the other part of the story where a Christian life is just not a bed of roses, and there are times where we are brought from the mountaintop experience to the lowest point of the valley. Maybe it's time for you Lord to throw me down to the deepest corner, for me to feel so broken inside where only your love and grace can restore me.

am i ready for restoration? that's the question

it's really hard being with you when you are on the mountain top and im at the bottomless pit. you keep telling me to seek God and pray and i know i cant without bringing my confessions before Him. As eager as you are to bring me right again, i beg you to take it slow. sorry is all i can say to you now.

underserving brown cow

it is always refreshing to run at night. Yet tonight, running did nothing to take away the heavy burdens on my heart.
Nonetheless, im still loving the way the night air rushes pass my cheeks. Loving the way my perspiration trickles down my neck, especially loving how the damp grass smelt.

went to watch Harry Potter today with Natg, Jing, Weihao, Ben, Loreen and Melvin! (in no order of preference! haha!) movie was too short i think! I know a movie is too short when i do not need to rush out to pee at any point of time. either that or my bladder has been well stretched from the boring Pirates movie.
Anyway, i finally met up with Natg after like 7 months! wow. she got me lots of candies from the States! thanks natg. felt like i just came back from trick or treating!


did i return to you what others stole?
or was i just like one of them who took yet another part of your heart.
for my brown cow who has always been hiding in my closet
i cant keep you inside any longer... you need to go.

dehuns.

i know this is way outdated, but i finally got my NUS business camp's pics here! (i think you guys gotta wait for say... 1 month before i will post up my SMU bondue camp's pics)


there's my OG :Dehuns (we won the most ENTHU OG award)


and if my eyes didnt fail me in this pic above, there is this naughty boy checking me out (haha! i know you are so reading this! scoot off!)



never thought i will say this... but i will miss all you orange and blue people.

at cell

i came to cell with a heavy heart, so burdened and weary.
wanted to put up a facade, to pretend everything is all right. but how could i when all these friends of mine are my brothers and sisters in Christ. but how could i when we share the blood of Christ. how could i...

God ministered to me during worship. It was as though a cloud of peacefulness had settled within my soul.
"We have our hands lifted high, to the sky,
and when the world wonders why, we'll just tell them
we're loving our King."

Thank God for Jenny, Ezikel and Leon. thank you Jenny for being such an awesome cell leader, for being so understanding, and also for your advice.
Thank you Ezi for praying in spirit for me, even though i summed up my burdens in 3 sentences, you prayed for me in 100 sentences. amen to that.
And Leon, thank you for your support and your listening ear. especially for donuts from donuts factory!

collection for sunshine

i cast spells with tissue and pebbles
which is also the name of the poor creature you adored
the countless amount of cherries you popped
here i am wondering when would it ever stop

coming to view the secrets of your empire
did nothing but to fill my heart with desire
every letter that was crafted was dedicated to me
there's too much hurt... too much for three

we wanted more of each other than it was right
so many memories we had under the starry starry night
i said it with strength, with much conviction
no longer shall you be; my sinful addiction

you know you are one i cant do without
this is true and without a doubt
"somehow together but always apart"
forever you will be in my heart...